Paying for others

Reshmi Purmar Author

May 10, 2024 |

Releasing Deeply held beliefs that keep us in lack

So many of us doubt our worth. We deny our gifts and we live in lack. We live in lack of opportunities, we collide with lack frequently and many internalise the shame.  

Others become the victims of others choices and influence over their lives.

Lack is a symptom we learnt grounded in fear. If fear defines the boundaries which define your earthly experience, you will not fully reclaiming your worth. Ultimately living reactively instead of response-ably, leaving you spinning your wheels when you could be travelling in the direction of your dreams and desires.

Do you know how many people fear responsibility? 

I was doing some EFT on myself in preparation for presenting my webinar last night on Tapping away Money Myths. I came across a belief that if I was suddenly earning more than enough to get by, I would become responsible for others. 

This surprised me. Those who know me, know that I always care for everyone sometimes too much but to fear becoming responsible for others financially was not my thing. The more I tapped on this the clearer I became.

I found myself tapping away ancestral shame, inner conflict between prioritising personal needs and desires against having to take care of others. 

As I listened and tapped, I realised, I was tapping away the practices developed in the ego of my ancestors subconscious.  This ego was not ego-centric.  It was trying to highlight how many of repress our inner needs, capabilities and passions for fear of being coerced into becoming the one everyone depends on to have their needs met or worse still fail in doing so. 

This was a belief created in the days where extended families lived together. To make a cohesive, progressive unit function, the more capable went to work to create financial security for the collective unit.  

This goes along with the "eldest is responsible for the rest of the siblings" dynamic that took over. Which then turned into the oldest male is responsible for earning and making all the decisions for everyone else.  

What started as a survival, caring and supportive practice soon an investment in the success of the family unit as a whole became obligatory, restrictive and burdensome. The inner ego of those affected created beliefs and habits to fight back. 

Because we are human, we encountered collusion and coercion (these can be found in the Bhagavad Gita as well as the bible) a useful practice became rule that the oldest male had to take care of everyone whilst on the flip side, their personal desires got repressed. For instance if the oldest wanted to travel, be a writer, artist or a hermit (all professions considered to be underpaid) they were denied this.  

This official primary earner also then became responsible for important decisions such as marriage choice and careers of the females and the younger men of the family.

A habit that, if grounded in unconditional love would have meant giving freedom and harmony through collaborative conversation, sadly it became grounded in shadowy codependent habits often lurking in each families closets.

This self denial of not desiring to be the top earner, the success story that others would that turn to for help, became the root of the fear of responsibility. 

Many victorian/edwardian history books and novels talk of this experience.

I can see the roots of it in my family.  I could see it reflected in the ones that attended my webinar. It is more widespread than I first thought. 

Gay Hendricks touched upon this in his book The big Leap. He talks about how he was suppressing his instant desire to buy some earring for his wife on the signing of a big contract because showing they had wealth meant they may then have to support a niece in further studies. 

We have similar experiences on both side of my family - maternal and paternal. 

Do you? Can you see it in your family?  does this article touch a raw nerve or awaken something deep within you that you feel is time to heal?

Are you into tapping (EFT)?  Do you know how to clear beliefs using tapping? 

If you are new tapping and would like to be guided through this process, I will be running a new webinar on this, so please send me an email to include you in the invitation to the webinar.

If you do the tapping by yourself, do share if this was a belief you came across. What has been the impact since you working on it? I would love to know. 

Categories: : Conscious, growth, healing, love, relationships, Twinflame